i was in some weird house with my brother and all of our friends... i just remember one room being really warm and one being cold... i feel like there was a presence in there that we were trying to deal with, but it's blurry... and then i was in the pool and i saw my old boyfriend [who is just a dream boyfriend] that i haven't seen since a previous dream. i was really excited to see him and i found my old cell phone in the water and i said 'is kyle's number still in here?' because i wanted to call him and tell him off.. and then my dream boyfriend said 'i can't date you if after all this time, you still do the same stuff.' and i tried to explain something, but i gave up. he was really tall, but his legs were paralyzed.. and we went grocery shopping and i had to push him in the cart.. and i ate yogurt, but the yogurt was full of too big raspberries and the texture was like cottage cheese and it grossed me out.. and then me and him and his mom and little sister went outside, while a huge storm was happening... and someone was going to force us all to jump off a cliff to the water below... and his mom was terrified, because she said it was the rush line... i didn't know what that meant.. i just looked down into the stormy water and saw huge shadows..but his little sister fell in and i jumped after her.. and there were these great big fish... huuuge and light brown and dark brown spotted... and they had lots of weird hands and fins that were covered in spikes.. and big sharp teeth.. and everything was really muffled, just like it would be if you were underwater.
and the fish kept poking us with their spikes.. but i found his little sister and i turned
into a mermaid and we swam away.. and then i was at some resort and everyone i knew was there.. and some of them were shooting off fake guns.. but it caught a girls leg on fire.. and i put it out with pepsi... and then, before or after that.. i was looking for a pair of boots to buy in some store. i didn't see any i liked, but they were all in my size.. so i settled for a pair of kinda cowboy boots and i took all the stuffing out.. there were 3 pieces.. i wanted to find a chair, but the only ones were by the bathroom, where a man and a woman were arguing. they walked away when i went back there. and then i was in the resort pool and my boyfriend and i both had mermaid tails.. and even though his legs were paralyzed, he was swimming... i spent the day being a mermaid and i gave him the mermaid power somehow, so that we were mermaids in the water and walked on land. and his paralyzed legs worked again.
Monday, December 21, 2009
Friday, October 9, 2009
dream oct. 8/9 2009
what i remember very vividly was being in a house with a bunch of people / dream friends.
it looked my dad's house only taller and longer.
charlie had a really annoying girlfriend with bad highlights and they were sleeping in my bed.
i wanted to make them sleep on the air matress so i could have my bed.
there was lots of red lighting, the kind you get when you put a scarf over a lamp.
i walked to the window and there were a lot of trees. it was my backyard when i was a kid, only covered in snow. and the holly tree next to the window looked different. in front of that was a pile of burning embers.
i saw something running around the yard, hiding behind trees.
it had a long tail and very large glowing eyes. it scared me initially, which came from looking at a picture of 'charley no-face.'
then it stood by the fire, looking like a lawn gnome, only bigger.
i started throwing water at it, as if to put out the fire and freeze the creature, since there was snow on the ground.
but then it turned to a little girl with a huge thing on her nose and it started running towards the window.
BUT THEN, i realized it was a little boy with dirt on his face. he had curly shaggy hair and light brown skin and was very cute.
i opened the window and let him in and i held him and he held onto me.
my friends were there and talking at me and i was talking to them, but i don't remember what we were saying.
nora was there. she was sitting on the kitchen chair rolling her eyes alot.
i remember holding the little boy and dodging trees on an old trail.
someone said he was in the 6th grade, but he looked like he was four years old.
i do remember in the beginning of my dream, i was wearing long purple socks with no shoes.
i was in a very bright, white school hallway running and hopping around like a ballerina.
people kept looking at me, but i didn't care, because i was very happy to be where i was.
it looked my dad's house only taller and longer.
charlie had a really annoying girlfriend with bad highlights and they were sleeping in my bed.
i wanted to make them sleep on the air matress so i could have my bed.
there was lots of red lighting, the kind you get when you put a scarf over a lamp.
i walked to the window and there were a lot of trees. it was my backyard when i was a kid, only covered in snow. and the holly tree next to the window looked different. in front of that was a pile of burning embers.
i saw something running around the yard, hiding behind trees.
it had a long tail and very large glowing eyes. it scared me initially, which came from looking at a picture of 'charley no-face.'
then it stood by the fire, looking like a lawn gnome, only bigger.
i started throwing water at it, as if to put out the fire and freeze the creature, since there was snow on the ground.
but then it turned to a little girl with a huge thing on her nose and it started running towards the window.
BUT THEN, i realized it was a little boy with dirt on his face. he had curly shaggy hair and light brown skin and was very cute.
i opened the window and let him in and i held him and he held onto me.
my friends were there and talking at me and i was talking to them, but i don't remember what we were saying.
nora was there. she was sitting on the kitchen chair rolling her eyes alot.
i remember holding the little boy and dodging trees on an old trail.
someone said he was in the 6th grade, but he looked like he was four years old.
i do remember in the beginning of my dream, i was wearing long purple socks with no shoes.
i was in a very bright, white school hallway running and hopping around like a ballerina.
people kept looking at me, but i didn't care, because i was very happy to be where i was.
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
this is all my bones, my skins, my blood, and my black guts.
dunno what ter think...
feelin' outta place.
i'm a hawk between the highways
waitin' in the dead space.
nort to west to south to east.
little compass won't tell me shit.
today i told ya 'i'm unhappy.'
not with you, but jus' with my
guilty soul.
even heart's a'screamin!
heart got no legs.
got no arms neither.
still tryin' to crawl outta me.
black, bloody creature.
lung broke off a piece a rib.
now i's tryin' ta dig the rest a the
way out.
all the organs started talkin'
cause they heard what brain was thinkin'
bout.
'he'll finish us all!' tissues started to shake.
kidney sittin' in the shadows...
listenin' to the worry.
says 'i know the way, but we gotta hurry.'
more whispers... brain's too busy ta
notice a goddamn thin'.
never saw a'comin...
------
yer sweaty hands're heavy on my shoulders
n'yer swollen eyes're heavy on my heart.
brautigan says his avacados're rotten fish
and bukowski sayin he lost his ability ter fart.
'least you n'i're better off settin' here instead.
-----
pile'a thinks that imma starin' at...
each little picture makin' a big ol' noise.
but no, no.. i promised to ain't gonna hush
'em up.
gone hair gonna sprout up like a mess'a grass.
cold feet gonna warm up like frog come up for air.
my big ol' yellow sun! gonna keep me tryin for
my smiles.
loud ol' pile a thinks gon' get little bigger today.
-----
yeh built yer heart up on a hill like a city.
a city on a sandy slope.
season was dry, but the rains were a'waitin'
like bull frogs in water... waitin' ter gobble up
somepin.
trees came down around ya.
nothin' left to hold on ta.
-----
why aincha wait on a smilin' sun
ter really see yourself?
bits a'beer cans show your blurred,
shadowerd reflection.
dunno what i really look like either,
but that's a'somepin that's okay with me.
too scared to know the truth...
maybe a look isn't gonna match what heart
says.
maybe a look isn't gonna match what brain says...
not what gut says neither..
and to you, the wrinkles next to your eyes..
they don't look bad.. don't look bad at all to me.
come on, n'give me a dancin' part of your soul.
i kin feel the happy bits sometimes,
comin' out ter greet me.
we'll swap dusty, driftin' bits..
maybe you're the bits a'particles that i'm
peerin' round' for.
betcha you are...
gotta feelin', gotta hunch..
---
squid says, how am i gonna make some
money? 'really wanna get outta this
dive.
whale asks, ya got any talents? any
talents maybe a feller'd like ter see?
squid sits n'thinks fer a hot
minute. i can't come up with one
darn thin', he replies.
whale says, why oncha order 'nother
drink.. i'm sure it'll come to ya.
--
maybe in a distant
space n'time
bad mem'ries lost.
maybe pichers'll look
like n'other language
from a country
i never been.
scars'll heal up n'fade
with the rest o'em.
i don't mind a
dreary sky, nor a
threatnin rain...
but havin' shadows chase ya
when there ain't even no lights lit..
now that's a somepin
i ain't could never miss.
--
today at dinner
i slit my left wrist
with a butter knife.
i bled on everything.
it dripped into the
mashed potatoes,
onto the corn and,
also, onto the pot roast.
my family, irritated,
said how disgusting
and rude i was.
they all left the table,
except for my father,
who yelled.
my mother went to alot
of work to cook that
damn meal.
he worked hard everyday
to get us that goddamned
food i just spoiled.
i cleared the table and
threw the goddamned
meal in the trash bin.
--
my feet are full of
burnin' bones
my head is fulla rocks.
birdie in my brain peckin;
behind my eyes.
wanna rip off my skin
wanna drown in the river
cause bein someone you
hate
fills ya with a hot sticky shiver.
my garbage is pilin
in a ridged mountain heap.
i'm thinkin' on this too too
hard.
give up.
[gave up.]
--
i kissed you like a bitter
old man drinks scotch.
your mouth was sweet
and it tasted like peppermint
and the bottle of mad dog
we were sharing.
i told you i felt powerful and
big.. big as that mountain!
and i pointed to it.
you laughed and took another
drink.
i told you i wanted out.
i wanted to go.
and then you put your mouth
against mine.
peppermint and drunk.
you laid me back onto the
blanket and i could still
taste the peppermint and
mad dog.
you worked my panties off
then
and under my skirt you
fucked me.
i just wanted you to know
how good it felt..
because i thought you wanted
to get out with me.
---
trailin long
waitin in the dirt
hands on my knees
when ya gonna show up over here?
i can't go on lookin
looked ev'ry place sweet lord'll let.
playin with a stick
covered in moss from a
a big ol' maple tree.
maple tree, ain'cha
tell me, which ways
gone east..
searchin for some blowin
wind.
feelin dusty..
breeze away my sins.
my hearts keepin on pumped.
how's yours a'feelin?
let yer bitter heart
bleed.
c'mon, give it a squeeze.
i know yer feelin' real dirty,
my little ghost.
wantin after yer familiar haunt.
oh, my little one..
i ain't got to anywhere
you don't know bout.
but where you been got ta?
i just keep trailin long.
a'waitin in the dirt.
hands on knees.
--
think about you alot
n'i ain't so sure if'n yeh care
but i can't help but wonder
if your heads still thinkin and
your mouths still drinkin.
cause it's kinda hard to say goodbye
cause it's a for good arrang'ent.
says in that holy word..
ya got a broken heart, then yer
god feels it too. feels it and breaths
it and mourns it.
just like you..
a hard somepin ter let go 'a
n'i shit, well, i dunno if i'll ever stop
thinkin..
always gonna hope you'll snap outta
your behavior.
behavior i always knowed..
behavior i always loved.
jus' feel like i want yeh to feel a happy
thing..
feel accomplished, when world's try'n
teh sting..
ya don't have teh let the sting beat ya..
ya don't have to cover it up..
just gotta try'n give it up.
now i feel like it's a do yeh do ter yerself.
do you know you do it ter yerself?
sometimes i feel like ya do. .
jus it's 'nother thing yeh try'n cover?
but i can't help but wonder
if your heads still thinkin.
---
missin piece's all i can't look away from
starting to spill, white teeth turnin brown
ears ringing, can't shut up, rattle n hum.
grasses dyin, bodies layin on the ground
fulla shit and slivers, hearts poundin
but it's oh, its oh. . too. . slow..
louder n' louder, i hate the sound 'n
n'.. . jus can't block it out.
why're you so fulla questions for me
when you know i ain't got n' answer
i got questions too, dunno what the
solutions could be.
no more happy high, you can feel
yer body hatecha
livin in a world where your body's
trying to push out yer soul
body always sayin, get out, get outta
here! i hate you n how you make me
feel. i hate you n how you make me work
too hard. ya really think you're worth it!
get outtt of here.
cells screaming and not even your
hands'll obey ya.
then where're you supposed to go?
words get round, not a cat nor a frog'll
letcha keep a home inside em
ghost without a home
little ghost, little ghost
i feel for you real deep
make a house in my heart,
you just gotta keep it clean.
don't smoke too much in there
cuz my heart my lungs my muscles still
gotta get some air.
no, no, you don't have to pay any rent
i know all yer money's already gone
all yer pennies been spent.
it's alright, it's not a charity
even though you not gotta alotta pride
left.
just gotta promise not to break your home
again,
its gotta nice landlady,
she'll watch over ya,
little ghost, little ghost.
------
shoulda seen em comin
feelin kinna blue
shoulda felt a feelin'
gotta a lotta somepin to do
wanna try n' fix it
don't even got an apple to
eat.
really feel you bleedin
it's a warm around my feet.
coulda known to stopped it
before you'd got o'er the way
too late i chased towards ya
n' you'd already gone away.
---
you didn't know i coulda seen
that life that lit you up.
and i wasn't sure, if i could
make it feel, 'cause you n' i
n' every soul should try n' find
what's real.
but i've been lookin and spendin
a twenty here n' there, and i tell
you, there ain't nothin that's real,
except what isn't fair.
n' i'll keep wearin my black shirts,
the ones you used to wear.
i can hear my ringer buzzin, but
i don't wanna hear it talk.
i ain't never wantin to think again,
n' please, you can't say it's a shock.
i've hurt too many and been hurt too
much to let it go on longer.
no one can really think that what
hurts can only make you stronger.
---
laugh a laugh with some holiday cheear
as i lose my train of thought
there're a couple boys that were having
a smoke on the tracks.
my bomb threat was just a ruse,
but the starry irises don't mind.
your heart is pounding to leave a legacy
and inherit a smile on your face.
our habits chirp with the crickets,
while we eavesdrop on the frogs.
arrogance is a funny word as it's
familiarity bubbles in your skin.
when the trees disappear, it sparks
the nightmare that will end your world.
the sky will be ignored
and the clouds will cry in pain.
energy is oil in your fingers,
but you still won't believe it
[only when it's tears in your eyes.]
---
pumped right away
my eyes did not play tricks.
it was not dressed up like a ghost
it was not disguised as a witch.
a naked, vulnerable solution
to all that has gone wrong
i heard it from the red rocks
where the sun makes them look long.
---
your empty promise was full
before the light show of remorse
my naivete glistened on you brow
who knew we had the same source?
i explore there still, but my compass
is lost.
give me your will, i'll write the rest
your heart belongs to me.
that little glowing light in your chest.
take off the folds that make you blind,
'meet me in trees,' i said,
and you asked me 'what kind?'
---
my feet are flounderin' along
on the grassy walks.
aren't you right behind me?
why does your face look so sad?
you'd never let your words to say
what you're really feelin', but it's okay,
i know the feelin'.
i think they're chasin' after us, i said
and you said let 'em come.
i figgered you'd given up our hopes
then, but it's okay, we hardly had none.
give me your fingers, i said,
and your throat swallowed back a whimper.
you said i wish we coulda found a life,
found a life much simpler.
it's okay, i says to you, the grass ain't
greener, i knew it all the days.
i told myself, at least i got you, babe.
i won't letchya see me tearin',
i don't want your heart to ache.
mine's achin' for the both of us's
empty, coughin' sake.
---
i want to go to sugar mountain,
where everything that is is me
and it has never been you.
i want to be in the place to be,
give myself one more shot.
laughin atop the tallest tree,
i don't mind the sun bein' hot.
i want to go to sugar mountain,
never again to feel blue.
i want to go to sugar mountain,
where everything that is is me
and it has never been you.
---
my mind isn't the only home of life,
but where it all begins is where it will
stop.
my tosis frays.
the scope showed me the way
out.
i'll run around the mito maze.
you won't
you won't
you won't catch up.
[i'm a whisp in your foggy breath,
especially content when you can't see
me in your particles.]
---
here is today
and nothing will speak of the music
you'll hear
when you're gone
[the light from the life
extracted into song]
and how could i forget
those dusky springs?
the pain from no pain is the
only thing that stings
and now i'm alone,
but i'm surrounded by life
the next one says,
'something you'll never hear again.'
the light we made is something
you cannot pretend.
i will push these buttons
[but i will not push them fast]
because the feelings of being
alive
is the only thing that will
last.
inspiration grows from the
earth,
it gives you your source and your
light, but you give you your worth
[and when you finally understand
it's so beautiful..]
i don't need anything else
because everything is one thing
and then pain from no pain
is the only thing that stings
[i feel dizzy.. . ]
---
he says to ya
'i seen it in a dream
those pictures n'salty
seas.'
you ain't gonna remember
the thoughts in yer head
cause i stole 'em.
your face is red n' yer eyes
start to sparkle.
it's okay.. i know the feelin'
---
i know it's gotta hurt
in a place down real
deep
ev'ry mem'ry i still
say.. i gotta keep.
without that good 'er bad
i wouldn't be
a'standin here
a'standin here on my feet.
n'before ya dis'gree
there's a thing i
wanna know.
after we die..
where'n ya think
them bad things go?
---
up, up and around
each a yer thoughts gotta seat
now, please, wontcha tell me?
is there a new one?
each time yer heart skips that beat?
i see you always ya checkin yer pulse
to see if you still got air
to breath.
i'd give you each a'bit a'oxygen
that harbors in my lungs
just let me set with you
[or a thought 'er two]
let's get a high up on
that ferris wheel
and watch the lights
on the street.
feelin' outta place.
i'm a hawk between the highways
waitin' in the dead space.
nort to west to south to east.
little compass won't tell me shit.
today i told ya 'i'm unhappy.'
not with you, but jus' with my
guilty soul.
even heart's a'screamin!
heart got no legs.
got no arms neither.
still tryin' to crawl outta me.
black, bloody creature.
lung broke off a piece a rib.
now i's tryin' ta dig the rest a the
way out.
all the organs started talkin'
cause they heard what brain was thinkin'
bout.
'he'll finish us all!' tissues started to shake.
kidney sittin' in the shadows...
listenin' to the worry.
says 'i know the way, but we gotta hurry.'
more whispers... brain's too busy ta
notice a goddamn thin'.
never saw a'comin...
------
yer sweaty hands're heavy on my shoulders
n'yer swollen eyes're heavy on my heart.
brautigan says his avacados're rotten fish
and bukowski sayin he lost his ability ter fart.
'least you n'i're better off settin' here instead.
-----
pile'a thinks that imma starin' at...
each little picture makin' a big ol' noise.
but no, no.. i promised to ain't gonna hush
'em up.
gone hair gonna sprout up like a mess'a grass.
cold feet gonna warm up like frog come up for air.
my big ol' yellow sun! gonna keep me tryin for
my smiles.
loud ol' pile a thinks gon' get little bigger today.
-----
yeh built yer heart up on a hill like a city.
a city on a sandy slope.
season was dry, but the rains were a'waitin'
like bull frogs in water... waitin' ter gobble up
somepin.
trees came down around ya.
nothin' left to hold on ta.
-----
why aincha wait on a smilin' sun
ter really see yourself?
bits a'beer cans show your blurred,
shadowerd reflection.
dunno what i really look like either,
but that's a'somepin that's okay with me.
too scared to know the truth...
maybe a look isn't gonna match what heart
says.
maybe a look isn't gonna match what brain says...
not what gut says neither..
and to you, the wrinkles next to your eyes..
they don't look bad.. don't look bad at all to me.
come on, n'give me a dancin' part of your soul.
i kin feel the happy bits sometimes,
comin' out ter greet me.
we'll swap dusty, driftin' bits..
maybe you're the bits a'particles that i'm
peerin' round' for.
betcha you are...
gotta feelin', gotta hunch..
---
squid says, how am i gonna make some
money? 'really wanna get outta this
dive.
whale asks, ya got any talents? any
talents maybe a feller'd like ter see?
squid sits n'thinks fer a hot
minute. i can't come up with one
darn thin', he replies.
whale says, why oncha order 'nother
drink.. i'm sure it'll come to ya.
--
maybe in a distant
space n'time
bad mem'ries lost.
maybe pichers'll look
like n'other language
from a country
i never been.
scars'll heal up n'fade
with the rest o'em.
i don't mind a
dreary sky, nor a
threatnin rain...
but havin' shadows chase ya
when there ain't even no lights lit..
now that's a somepin
i ain't could never miss.
--
today at dinner
i slit my left wrist
with a butter knife.
i bled on everything.
it dripped into the
mashed potatoes,
onto the corn and,
also, onto the pot roast.
my family, irritated,
said how disgusting
and rude i was.
they all left the table,
except for my father,
who yelled.
my mother went to alot
of work to cook that
damn meal.
he worked hard everyday
to get us that goddamned
food i just spoiled.
i cleared the table and
threw the goddamned
meal in the trash bin.
--
my feet are full of
burnin' bones
my head is fulla rocks.
birdie in my brain peckin;
behind my eyes.
wanna rip off my skin
wanna drown in the river
cause bein someone you
hate
fills ya with a hot sticky shiver.
my garbage is pilin
in a ridged mountain heap.
i'm thinkin' on this too too
hard.
give up.
[gave up.]
--
i kissed you like a bitter
old man drinks scotch.
your mouth was sweet
and it tasted like peppermint
and the bottle of mad dog
we were sharing.
i told you i felt powerful and
big.. big as that mountain!
and i pointed to it.
you laughed and took another
drink.
i told you i wanted out.
i wanted to go.
and then you put your mouth
against mine.
peppermint and drunk.
you laid me back onto the
blanket and i could still
taste the peppermint and
mad dog.
you worked my panties off
then
and under my skirt you
fucked me.
i just wanted you to know
how good it felt..
because i thought you wanted
to get out with me.
---
trailin long
waitin in the dirt
hands on my knees
when ya gonna show up over here?
i can't go on lookin
looked ev'ry place sweet lord'll let.
playin with a stick
covered in moss from a
a big ol' maple tree.
maple tree, ain'cha
tell me, which ways
gone east..
searchin for some blowin
wind.
feelin dusty..
breeze away my sins.
my hearts keepin on pumped.
how's yours a'feelin?
let yer bitter heart
bleed.
c'mon, give it a squeeze.
i know yer feelin' real dirty,
my little ghost.
wantin after yer familiar haunt.
oh, my little one..
i ain't got to anywhere
you don't know bout.
but where you been got ta?
i just keep trailin long.
a'waitin in the dirt.
hands on knees.
--
think about you alot
n'i ain't so sure if'n yeh care
but i can't help but wonder
if your heads still thinkin and
your mouths still drinkin.
cause it's kinda hard to say goodbye
cause it's a for good arrang'ent.
says in that holy word..
ya got a broken heart, then yer
god feels it too. feels it and breaths
it and mourns it.
just like you..
a hard somepin ter let go 'a
n'i shit, well, i dunno if i'll ever stop
thinkin..
always gonna hope you'll snap outta
your behavior.
behavior i always knowed..
behavior i always loved.
jus' feel like i want yeh to feel a happy
thing..
feel accomplished, when world's try'n
teh sting..
ya don't have teh let the sting beat ya..
ya don't have to cover it up..
just gotta try'n give it up.
now i feel like it's a do yeh do ter yerself.
do you know you do it ter yerself?
sometimes i feel like ya do. .
jus it's 'nother thing yeh try'n cover?
but i can't help but wonder
if your heads still thinkin.
---
missin piece's all i can't look away from
starting to spill, white teeth turnin brown
ears ringing, can't shut up, rattle n hum.
grasses dyin, bodies layin on the ground
fulla shit and slivers, hearts poundin
but it's oh, its oh. . too. . slow..
louder n' louder, i hate the sound 'n
n'.. . jus can't block it out.
why're you so fulla questions for me
when you know i ain't got n' answer
i got questions too, dunno what the
solutions could be.
no more happy high, you can feel
yer body hatecha
livin in a world where your body's
trying to push out yer soul
body always sayin, get out, get outta
here! i hate you n how you make me
feel. i hate you n how you make me work
too hard. ya really think you're worth it!
get outtt of here.
cells screaming and not even your
hands'll obey ya.
then where're you supposed to go?
words get round, not a cat nor a frog'll
letcha keep a home inside em
ghost without a home
little ghost, little ghost
i feel for you real deep
make a house in my heart,
you just gotta keep it clean.
don't smoke too much in there
cuz my heart my lungs my muscles still
gotta get some air.
no, no, you don't have to pay any rent
i know all yer money's already gone
all yer pennies been spent.
it's alright, it's not a charity
even though you not gotta alotta pride
left.
just gotta promise not to break your home
again,
its gotta nice landlady,
she'll watch over ya,
little ghost, little ghost.
------
shoulda seen em comin
feelin kinna blue
shoulda felt a feelin'
gotta a lotta somepin to do
wanna try n' fix it
don't even got an apple to
eat.
really feel you bleedin
it's a warm around my feet.
coulda known to stopped it
before you'd got o'er the way
too late i chased towards ya
n' you'd already gone away.
---
you didn't know i coulda seen
that life that lit you up.
and i wasn't sure, if i could
make it feel, 'cause you n' i
n' every soul should try n' find
what's real.
but i've been lookin and spendin
a twenty here n' there, and i tell
you, there ain't nothin that's real,
except what isn't fair.
n' i'll keep wearin my black shirts,
the ones you used to wear.
i can hear my ringer buzzin, but
i don't wanna hear it talk.
i ain't never wantin to think again,
n' please, you can't say it's a shock.
i've hurt too many and been hurt too
much to let it go on longer.
no one can really think that what
hurts can only make you stronger.
---
laugh a laugh with some holiday cheear
as i lose my train of thought
there're a couple boys that were having
a smoke on the tracks.
my bomb threat was just a ruse,
but the starry irises don't mind.
your heart is pounding to leave a legacy
and inherit a smile on your face.
our habits chirp with the crickets,
while we eavesdrop on the frogs.
arrogance is a funny word as it's
familiarity bubbles in your skin.
when the trees disappear, it sparks
the nightmare that will end your world.
the sky will be ignored
and the clouds will cry in pain.
energy is oil in your fingers,
but you still won't believe it
[only when it's tears in your eyes.]
---
pumped right away
my eyes did not play tricks.
it was not dressed up like a ghost
it was not disguised as a witch.
a naked, vulnerable solution
to all that has gone wrong
i heard it from the red rocks
where the sun makes them look long.
---
your empty promise was full
before the light show of remorse
my naivete glistened on you brow
who knew we had the same source?
i explore there still, but my compass
is lost.
give me your will, i'll write the rest
your heart belongs to me.
that little glowing light in your chest.
take off the folds that make you blind,
'meet me in trees,' i said,
and you asked me 'what kind?'
---
my feet are flounderin' along
on the grassy walks.
aren't you right behind me?
why does your face look so sad?
you'd never let your words to say
what you're really feelin', but it's okay,
i know the feelin'.
i think they're chasin' after us, i said
and you said let 'em come.
i figgered you'd given up our hopes
then, but it's okay, we hardly had none.
give me your fingers, i said,
and your throat swallowed back a whimper.
you said i wish we coulda found a life,
found a life much simpler.
it's okay, i says to you, the grass ain't
greener, i knew it all the days.
i told myself, at least i got you, babe.
i won't letchya see me tearin',
i don't want your heart to ache.
mine's achin' for the both of us's
empty, coughin' sake.
---
i want to go to sugar mountain,
where everything that is is me
and it has never been you.
i want to be in the place to be,
give myself one more shot.
laughin atop the tallest tree,
i don't mind the sun bein' hot.
i want to go to sugar mountain,
never again to feel blue.
i want to go to sugar mountain,
where everything that is is me
and it has never been you.
---
my mind isn't the only home of life,
but where it all begins is where it will
stop.
my tosis frays.
the scope showed me the way
out.
i'll run around the mito maze.
you won't
you won't
you won't catch up.
[i'm a whisp in your foggy breath,
especially content when you can't see
me in your particles.]
---
here is today
and nothing will speak of the music
you'll hear
when you're gone
[the light from the life
extracted into song]
and how could i forget
those dusky springs?
the pain from no pain is the
only thing that stings
and now i'm alone,
but i'm surrounded by life
the next one says,
'something you'll never hear again.'
the light we made is something
you cannot pretend.
i will push these buttons
[but i will not push them fast]
because the feelings of being
alive
is the only thing that will
last.
inspiration grows from the
earth,
it gives you your source and your
light, but you give you your worth
[and when you finally understand
it's so beautiful..]
i don't need anything else
because everything is one thing
and then pain from no pain
is the only thing that stings
[i feel dizzy.. . ]
---
he says to ya
'i seen it in a dream
those pictures n'salty
seas.'
you ain't gonna remember
the thoughts in yer head
cause i stole 'em.
your face is red n' yer eyes
start to sparkle.
it's okay.. i know the feelin'
---
i know it's gotta hurt
in a place down real
deep
ev'ry mem'ry i still
say.. i gotta keep.
without that good 'er bad
i wouldn't be
a'standin here
a'standin here on my feet.
n'before ya dis'gree
there's a thing i
wanna know.
after we die..
where'n ya think
them bad things go?
---
up, up and around
each a yer thoughts gotta seat
now, please, wontcha tell me?
is there a new one?
each time yer heart skips that beat?
i see you always ya checkin yer pulse
to see if you still got air
to breath.
i'd give you each a'bit a'oxygen
that harbors in my lungs
just let me set with you
[or a thought 'er two]
let's get a high up on
that ferris wheel
and watch the lights
on the street.
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